Bill's New Wife
by Jemascola
Summary: What starts out as an attempt to get Bill a girlfriend turns into a whole lot more later on.
1. Just an Ordinary Day

Bill's New Wife

Chapter 1: Just an Ordinary Day

This story took place in the city of Arlen, Texas. In a suburban neighborhood lived four somewhat redneck friends. Their names were Hank Hill, Bill Dauterive, Dale Gribble, and Boomhauer.

Hank Hill was the assistant manager at a propane store called Strickland Propane. Hank was tall and had a good, solid build. He had brown hair, and he wore glasses with thick, square rims. Most of the time, Hank wore a white shirt and blue jeans. When Hank was not at work, he would often spend time in a place known as the alley. This was a place in front of the fence that defined Hank's front yard. He would spend time with Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer in the alley. They would stand around and talk about life as they sipped beers. Hank also had a very nice family. His wife was named Peggy, and she had puffy brown hair and wore glasses somewhat similar to Hank's, although the rims were not as thick. Peggy was a substitute teacher for Tom Landry Middle School, and she knew a little bit of Spanish. Hank had a twelve-year-old son named Bobby. Bobby was a little short and big-boned, and he had short, reddish-blonde hair. Bobby could be quite a handful at times, but Hank was still proud of his son. In addition, Hank's niece named Luanne Platter often lived with the Hill's while she went to beauty school.

Dale Gribble was the owner of Dale's Dead Bug. He was a bug exterminator, and his personality fit the job perfectly. Dale acted a little weird at times, and he always seemed to have a defiant attitude toward things he disliked. He was a little bit skinny, and he was never seen without his orange cap and sunglasses. Most of the time, he wore a dark brown shirt and blue jeans. One of Dale's bad habits was smoking. When hanging out in the alley, he always seemed to be puffing away on a cigarette. Dale had a wife named Nancy and a son named Joseph. Nancy had long, blonde hair, and she would sometimes date one of her friends named John Redcorn. He was of Indian descent, and he was Joseph's biological father. However, Joseph stayed with the Gribble's most of the time, so Dale seemed more like Joseph's father. Joseph had somewhat long, black hair, and he was slowly beginning to look more and more like John Redcorn as he grew up.

Not much was known about Boomhauer. He was tall and had short blonde hair. Boomhauer wore a black shirt and blue jeans when he was in the alley. One of his most distinctive characteristics was the way he talked. Boomhauer always mumbled everything and talked very quickly. He seemed to be able to do it very fluently, and it was amazing to the guys how he could speak like that.

Finally, Bill Dauterive was a barber for the U.S. Army. He took pride in his job, and he was very glad to serve in the Army. He was very patriotic to America, and he once put an American flag up in his front yard. While in the alley, Bill wore a white undershirt and blue jeans. He had brown hair that was balding in the middle of his head. Bill was somewhat overweight, and one could see his beer belly under his shirt. The depressing thing about Bill was that he got divorced several years earlier, and he never managed to get over it. What was even worse was that he was never able to hold a steady girlfriend since that time. Bill probably had the most depressing life of the four friends.

At this point, Hank, Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer were standing in the alley drinking beer.

"Yep," Hank said, sipping a beer.

"Yep," Dale said.

"Yep," Bill said.

"Mm-hmm," Boomhauer mumbled. They always said, "Yep" when they didn't have anything in particular to say.

Finally, Dale managed to come up with a topic. "Nancy's going to see Redcorn today," he said, holding his cigarette between his fingers.

"Dang, man, I'm goin' out with a dang ol' girl, man. She's purdy, man, talk about cute, man. Anyways, what's goin' on with you, Hank?" Boomhauer mumbled.

"Well, me and Peggy are thinking about going out to dinner sometime," Hank said smiling.

Everyone looked at Bill. He stood there innocently sipping beer. His head hung down, and he looked a little depressed. "What about you, Bill?" Dale asked as he prodded Bill with his left elbow. "You have any date with a girl or something?"

"Ah, not really," sighed Bill. "Haven't gone on a date with a girl in four years."

"Dang, man, you gotta get out more, man, talk about getting a dang ol' girl to take out somewhere, man, you know what I'm sayin'?" Boomhauer jittered.

"Nobody's right for me," Bill said. "I've tried going out with girls, but none of them like me."

"Oh, come on, Bill," Hank said. "There's got to be somebody out there that likes you."

"Not me," Bill said. He dropped his beer on the ground and trudged off to his house, which was next door to Hank's. The rest of the beer from the can poured out into the grass.

Hank sighed. "We've got to do something to get Bill a girlfriend. He's still depressed from the time his wife dumped him and from all the times that other girls have turned him down. I hate to see him like this."

"Yep," Dale said. "But what can we do?" he said.

"Well, we could fix him with a girl, I guess," Hank said.

"Where are we going to find him a girl?" pondered Dale.

"Dang, man, I heard they just opened a dang ol' single's bar in downtown Arlen, man. Talk about cool, man. We could take dang ol' Bill down there and let him mingle, know what I'm sayin'?" Boomhauer said.

"That's a great idea, Boomhauer!" Hank said. "We just have to get Bill to go to that single's bar and hook him up with a girl. If we're lucky, he might find somebody that'll be his girlfriend."

"Gentlemen," Dale said. "Operation Bill's Girl begins now," he said.


	2. Broken Heart

Chapter 2: Broken Heart

The next afternoon, Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer met in the alley as they always did. They waited for Bill to show up as he normally did. To kill time, Hank and the gang engulfed several beers, cautious not to get drunk. Minutes passed by, and there was still no sign of Bill.

"Bill should have been here by now," Hank said. "He always shows up between 3:00 and 3:30 in the afternoon. Now it's 3:40, and there's no sign of Bill at all."

"Hey, man, maybe he's inside his dang ol' house, man," Boomhauer said.

"That's true," Hank said. "Let's go see if he's OK." Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer walked next door to Bill's house. Like Hank's house, it was a one-level home surrounded by a rather small patch of land. Dale knocked on Bill's door. They waited for Bill to answer it, but nobody seemed to hear the door being knocked. Dale knocked much louder. Angry when nobody was coming, Dale slammed his fist repetitively on the door. He panted when he stopped, but he grew even madder when Bill still did not show up.

"Damn it, Bill! Answer the door!" Dale shouted.

"Hey, man, take it easy. Try the dang ol' doorbell, man," Boomhauer said, pointing to Bill's doorbell. Hank went to the doorbell and rang it a few times. Soon, they heard Bill's heavy footsteps rushing to the door.

"Hey, Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer. What brings you here?" Bill asked when he got to the door. He had a purple towel wrapped around his waist, and he did not have a shirt on. "Sorry I didn't answer faster. I was taking a shower," he said.

"Bill, how'd you like to join Boomhauer at a single's bar?" Hank offered.

"Nah, that's okay," Bill turned him down. "I won't find anybody."

"Come on, give it a shot," Dale said.

"Well," thought Bill, "I suppose I could give it a chance."

"Great," Hank said.

"We can go in a minute, Boomhauer. I've got to finish my shower first," Bill said as he shut his front door.

"Yes!" Dale exclaimed. Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer gave each other high-fives. "Well, I'll see you guys later," Dale said.

"Take care, man," Boomhauer said, heading back to his own house.

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow, Dale and Boomhauer," Hank said, leaving Bill's house.

About 15 minutes later, Bill came out of his house looking a little bit more dressed up than usual. This time, he was wearing a red plaid shirt instead of his white undershirt. He walked over to Boomhauer's house and knocked at the door. Boomhauer answered the door. "Yo," Boomhauer said.

"Hi there, Boomhauer," Bill said. "Are you ready to go to the single's bar?" he asked.

"Yeah, man, let me get my dang ol' car keys, and then we'll be dang ol' ready, man," Boomhauer said, going back inside his house. A few seconds later, he returned with his keys. "Let's go, man," Boomhauer said, getting in his car. Bill sat in the front seat with him, and Boomhauer drove off to the single's bar.

The single's bar was a somewhat small building with a lovely brick exterior. It was squashed between the other buildings in downtown Arlen. "Well, here we are, man," Boomhauer said, getting out of the car. Bill followed him into the bar. The bar was dark and there was a long counter with dozens of single men and women. "I'll dang ol' catch you later, man," Boomhauer said, sitting at one end of the bar.

Bill took a seat in an unoccupied area of the bar. "I'll have a beer, please," Bill said to the bartender. The bartender gave Bill a beer, and then Bill gulped it down.

"My goodness, I've never seen someone gulf down that much beer before," Bill heard a woman say from behind him. Bill was startled, but he turned around and saw the woman that spoke to him. She was thin and had long brown hair. She looked very pretty. "I love a man who drinks beer quickly," she said.

"Hey," Bill greeted. "I'm Bill. What's your name?"

"Jennifer," the woman said.

"Hey, Jennifer, you want to hang out at my place for a while?" Bill blurted. He gave an innocent, but hopeful grin.

Jennifer looked a little bit startled. "Are you trying to ask me on a date?" she wondered, disgust filling her voice.

Bill's smile faded, and his body seemed to sag downward. "Maybe," he answered quietly.

Jennifer laughed hysterically, but then stopped abruptly. "I'm sorry, but I don't have time right now," she said, looking at her watch. I need to be getting back to my job sometime soon. My lunch break's almost over." Jennifer then ran off to her car outside as if she were quickly trying to get away from Bill. Bill sighed in despair.

"Excuses, excuses," he groaned.

"Hey, Bill," Boomhauer said. He walked up to Bill with a nice girl with thick, auburn hair. "Look at dis dang ol' purdy chick I met. Dang ol' name's Angela, man. Angela, meet my dang ol' friend, Bill," Boomhauer said.

"Hey, Angela," Bill said.

"Hello, Bill," she said, sounding disgusted with him.

"Hey, Angela, let's head on over to my dang ol' place," Boomhauer said.

"I'd love to," Angela said, walking out the door with Boomhauer.

"I'll dang ol' catch you later, Bill," Boomhauer said. "Lemme know if you need a dang ol' ride back home, man. I'll pick you up whenever you dang ol' need to, man." Boomhauer and Angela left the bar.

Bill sighed and put his head down on the counter. He remained that way for a while, until he heard the door jingle and heard a familiar voice. "Hey, Bill. Everything going okay?"

Bill turned around. There was Hank and Peggy. "Oh, hi there, Hank," Bill said. "Things are going great," he said. The expression on his face didn't support that statement, though.

"Are you sure, Bill? You look a little sad." Hank said.

"Well, Hank, I tried to pick up some ladies here, but none of them were interested in me," Bill said.

"I'm sorry about that, Bill," Peggy said. "Maybe someone will meet you some other time."

"Yeah, well, maybe," Bill said. "Say, I'm about to go home now. I didn't bring my car because I came to the bar with Boomhauer. Could you guys drop me off at my house? Boomhauer left already."

"Oh, well sure, Bill," Hank said.

"Thanks," Bill said, getting up. For some reason, he couldn't keep his eyes off Peggy. He tried not to look at her, but for some reason, he had a hard time not looking at her. There was something about Peggy that he really seemed to like. He thought about what it could be as Hank drove Bill back to his house.


	3. Is it Love?

Chapter 3: Is it Love?

The next morning, Bill strolled over to Hank's house with weeds in his hand. They had little flowers that grew on the ends of them. He happened to know that Peggy had the day off from being a substitute teacher, so he wanted to see if he could hang out with Peggy. Hank and Dale were at work, and Boomhauer wasn't anywhere to be found at his house, so Bill had nobody to hang out with.

He found Peggy sitting on the patio furniture in the backyard. She was grading some essays. "Hey, Peggy," Bill said. He came through the fence and entered the backyard.

"Oh, Bill," Peggy gasped. She was startled that he was there. "What are you doing here?"

"I took a day off from work," Bill said. "I wasn't in the mood for working today, and since the guys are gone, I just wanted to stop by," he continued. He then held out the weeds with flowers at the ends. "I got these for you," he said, handing them to Peggy.

Peggy looked at them in a funny way, and then she looked at Bill, who looked a little bit embarrassed around her. "Why did you give me weeds, Bill?" she asked.

"Oh, uh, they're not weeds, Peggy," Bill said, scratching his back. "They're flowers," he managed to smile.

"Bill, I appreciate the thought, but these are _not_ flowers. They're weeds. They only have little flowers sprouting from the ends. _Those_ are flowers," Peggy said, pointing to her flower garden near the fence. There, Bill saw the many azaleas. He went over and ripped out several from the garden. "BILL! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?" Peggy shouted.

"_These_ are for you," grinned Bill. He dropped the flowers on the patio table. Peggy gritted her teeth in anger, but she tried to keep her cool, knowing that Bill was only trying to be nice.

"Thank you, Bill," sighed Peggy.

"So… Peggy… are you planning to do anything today?" Bill said, scratching his head.

"Yes. I've got a mountain of essays to read and grade. I'd say it would take me all day to get them finished," Peggy said, starring at the large stack of essays on the table.

"Well, why don't you take some time off and rest?" Bill suggested.

"Bill, are you crazy? I promised the students that these papers would be graded by _tomorrow_. I can't afford to take any time off!" Peggy said.

"It's okay. I'll give them to Boomhauer and have him grade them… whenever he gets back…" Bill said.

"BOOMHAUER? No offense to Boomhauer, but that man can't tell an apple from a peanut!" Peggy said.

"Yeah, b-but I'm just so lonely today," sighed Bill.

Peggy felt guilty about leaving Bill alone. It was tough for him to go seven years without a wife. It was even worse that he hadn't even had any girlfriends. Peggy felt sorry for Bill, but she just couldn't leave the essays without being graded. However, she decided just to hang out with Bill for a while.

"Okay, Bill, I suppose that I could take a _short_ break from grading these essays," Peggy said, getting up. Bill squealed with joy. "So what do you want to do, Bill?" sighed Peggy.

"Oh, I dunno, maybe we could get some coffee down at the Starbucks," Bill said.

"Oh, all right. Why not?" Peggy said. "Let's get in my car…" she started.

"No, wait, Peggy – I'll drive us there," Bill said.

"Oh, thanks, Bill, that's awfully sweet of you," said Peggy.

About 15 minutes later, Bill and Peggy arrived at the local Starbucks. They both got a cup of coffee and sat down at one of the tables. They remained strangely silent as they sat and drank. Bill nervously glanced around the room. He noticed all the couples that had come to Starbucks. The couples were all hugging and kissing each other. Bill then took a quick look at Peggy. He was sad that he no longer had a wife, and it had been years since he dated. He felt so out of place in Starbucks without making out.

"Hey…Peggy…" Bill started.

"Yes, Bill?" Peggy said.

"Sure a lot of couples making out, huh?" he asked.

"Yes, there are," sighed Peggy. "It's so disgraceful to make out so reprehensibly in public. Why, if I were their mother, I would ground them for life! I would be so ashamed and would not want to speak to them again!"

Peggy was being so outrageously against the couples's behavior, so this squashed any hopes that Bill had. He was saddened once again. "Peggy, I have to get back home now," sighed Bill.

"OK, Bill. It's a good thing because I need to grade more papers," Peggy said.

Bill and Peggy silently left the restaurant and got into Bill's car. Bill drove Peggy back home. Peggy rushed back to the patio in the backyard to grade papers. Bill sadly drove off, but he suddenly fainted. His car stopped in front of the fence where the gang usually hung out.


	4. Bill's Chance

Chapter 4: Bill's Chance

Later in the afternoon, Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer returned to the alley. They were awfully surprised to find that Bill's car was in front of the fence where they usually hung out. The car was sputtering a little bit, and Hank opened the door and shut off the engine. He shook Bill.

"Bill? Bill? Wake up, Bill," Hank said, shaking Bill.

Bill slowly woke up. "Huh? Where am I?" he wondered, sounding dazed.

"You're in the alley. What are you doing with your car in front of the fence?" Hank said, sounding surprised.

"I must have passed out after taking Peggy to Starbucks," Bill said.

"Why did you do that?" Hank asked.

"Oh…I don't know," Bill said. He didn't want to reveal his real desire for taking out Peggy.

Hank sighed. "Just move your car." Bill turned on his car, and it sputtered again when it started. He drove it back home, and then he ran back to the fence with his cooler with beers.

Bill opened the cooler and pulled out a beer. He opened the beer and sipped it. "Yep," he said.

Dale grabbed a beer. "Yep," he said.

Boomhauer grabbed a beer as well and mumbled, "Mm-hmm."

"Dang it, Bill, you still haven't told me why you took Peggy to Starbucks," Hank persisted.

Bill's skin color instantly phased from a tanned peach to tomato red. "Well…uh…" he started.

Before he could finish, Hank fell to his knees. "AAH!" he cried in pain. He placed his hands on his crotch to cushion the area.

"What's the matter, Hank?" Dale said. "You got propane in your urethra again?" he jeered. With that, Dale, Boomhauer, and even Bill laughed hysterically.

Hank groaned. "Dale! When this pain goes away, I'm gonna kick your ass!" he yelled. "That is _not_ the problem! I'm still hurting from the time Bobby kicked me in the nuts," he said, sounding embarrassed.

"Aww, poor Hank got kicked in the fellas," Bill grinned. Dale exploded in laughter.

"Bill, shut up!" snapped Hank. "Anyway, it bites because Peggy's been wanting me to be… you know… intimate lately. In my condition, I can't satisfy her. She's been really upset with me and says that she wants me out of the house if I can't be intimate with her."

"Hey, man, ledder know dang ol' Boomhauer's available anytime she wants to make out," Boomhauer started.

"Boomhauer!" shouted Hank. "That is disgusting and sick!" Dale and Bill cackled. Then he turned to Dale and Bill. "You guys shut up, too! This isn't funny!" Hank said, starting to stand back up. "AAAH!" he yelled, as he found himself back on his hands and knees.

"Ah ha ha!" laughed everyone. They slowly helped Hank get up, and then the guys went back home. Everyone left except Bill that is. Bill sneaked into Hank's backyard and looked for a way inside the house. He went to the sliding glass door. To his dismay, it was locked. He checked all the windows to see if they were locked as well. Unfortunately, they were. Bill sadly walked around the property. He passed the chimney, but stopped once he noticed it. He looked up and saw the opening to the chimney. He giggled with excitement.

"There's how I get inside," Bill said. "But in case anyone's around, I'd better find a costume to not seem so suspicious."

TIME LAPSE 15 minutes later

Bill came back to the Hill residence 15 minutes later dressed as Santa Claus. He had a red pointed hat with a white ball of fuzz at the end. He had a false white beard that was strapped around his head. He had a red suit with white trimmings. His belt was dark black and had a shiny gold buckle. He also had heavy black boots.

Bill climbed up the chimney. It was fairly easy with the friction of the bricks. Sometimes, Bill would slip down a little bit, and it was painful for his hands to feel the rough texture of the bricks. About a minute later, he finally reached the top of the chimney.

Bill stood on the roof and looked at the entrance to the chimney. It was much smaller than he expected. "Aw, man. How am I gonna get inside?" Bill wondered. He paced the roof while he thought.

A few minutes later, the Hills' son, Bobby, headed outside to the alley to take out the trash. When he headed back to the house, he jumped back in surprise when he saw Bill on the roof. "Santa? Is that you?" Bobby called. "It's not Christmas yet."

Bill looked down and jumped back when he saw Bobby. He didn't want Bobby to see him enter the house. "Uh… um," was all Bill could manage to say.

"Hey, Dad! Santa's here early! Get the camera so I can prove to Joseph that he really exists!" Bobby yelled.

Hank trudged outside without a camera. "Bobby, that's nonsense. Santa is not here," Hank said.

"Yes he is, look at the roof!" Bobby said. Hank looked up and was startled.

"BILL!" shouted Hank. Bill's costume didn't fool Hank one bit. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON MY ROOF?"

"_I'm not Bill_," Bill said with a deep, booming voice. "_I'm SANTA CLAUS_!"

"BILL, CUT THE CRAP AND GET THE HELL OFF MY DAMN ROOF!" shouted Hank.

Bill crawled into the chimney and was stuck. "Oh darn," he sighed. "I shouldn't have reacted so fast." Bill wiggled around, but suddenly found his butt in immense pain. He'd freed himself from the firm grip of the chimney, and he'd fallen into the Hills' fireplace. He was sitting on the andiron. "OW!" he yelled. Bill shot out of the fireplace and sat on the sofa. "Ah," he sighed. He placed his hands on his rear to soothe the pain.

He then saw Hank and Bobby enter the house. "Santa! What did you get me?" Bobby jumped in excitement. "Did you get me a tutu? I've always wanted to be a dancer!"

Disgraced by Bobby's odd desire, Hank shouted, "Bobby, go to your room! I'll deal with you later! But first, I've got to kick Bill's ass!" Hank ran over to Bill on the sofa. Despite the fact that Bill's butt still hurt, he shot off the sofa and ran screaming into Hank and Peggy's bedroom. He shut the door and held it shut. "BILL, OPEN THE DOOR!" he heard Hank.

"Oh, go sleep on the sofa, Hank!" yelled Peggy, who was already in bed. "You're not useful in bed anyway!"

"I will not! I will sleep in bed just like most people do!" Hank yelled.

"Not tonight, Hank!" shouted Peggy. "I mean it! I will not go to your propane conventions if you don't sleep on the couch!"

"Yeah, but…" Hank started. Finally, he gave in. There was nothing worse than somebody turning down an invitation to one of his propane conventions. Hank's footsteps were heard going back to the living room.

"Ah…Peggy, what a surprise!" Bill said.

"I should say the same for you," Peggy said. "What brings you here?"

"Well," Bill started. "Hank told us about how you were upset with him because he wasn't intimate with you. So I thought…"

Peggy looked blankly at Bill. He didn't say another word. "You're lonely, and you wanted to come over to make me feel better about also feeling alone," Peggy stated. "I KNEW IT!" Bill grinned and looked a little less embarrassed. That wasn't really why he came over, but he just nodded because he didn't want her to know why he'd really come. "Oh, you poor man. Come here," Peggy said. He unfolded Hank's side of the bed and patted the mattress as a gesture to welcome Bill. Bill squealed and took off his Santa getup.

"Santa's gonna give you a big pre-Christmas present," Bill said, getting into bed. He pulled the covers over himself and stood still in bed for a moment, realizing something didn't seem right. "You know, Peggy, it's kinda bright in here."

"You're right, Bill," Peggy said. She shut off both lamps that were next to the bed. Bill's heart was throbbing like crazy. He wanted to bust a move, but he couldn't. He jerked when he suddenly felt Peggy wrapping her arms around Bill. No longer had feeling confined, Bill did the same. "Oh, Bill…" sighed Peggy. Bill hugged Peggy even harder. "You are so much more fun than Hank."

Bill squealed and got closer to Peggy. He finally decided to bust a move on his own and wrapped his leg around Peggy's. Peggy and Bill hugged and remained close for the rest of the night.


	5. The World Finds Out

Chapter 5: The World Finds Out

In the middle of the night, a thunderstorm began to take place over Arlen. It caused loud bangs of thunder that woke up several of the citizens. Among these was Luanne. She ran over to the Hills' house because she was frightened by the storm. Luanne rang the doorbell several times until Hank showed up at the door.

"Luanne? What brings you here at this hour?" Hank asked, sounding tired.

"I got scared by the storm and I wondered if I could stay here with you and Aunt Peggy," Luanne said.

"Sure, I guess," Hank said. "Come on in."

Luanne walked inside and noticed that there was a blanket on the sofa. "Uncle Hank, are you sleeping on the sofa?" Luanne asked.

"Yes, why?" Hank said.

"I'm just wondering why you aren't sleeping with Aunt Peggy," she said.

"Well, Peggy's been mad at me lately, so she didn't want me to sleep with her tonight," Hank said, getting under the blanket on the sofa.

"I'm sorry about that, Uncle Hank," Luanne said. She went down the hall and went to the door to Hank and Peggy's bedroom. She heard deep breathing and motion from behind the door. It sounded like there was someone else in the room with Peggy! Luanne cautiously opened the door and jumped back in shock when she saw Bill and Peggy practically welded together! "Mr. Dauterive?" Luanne said.

Bill jerked off Peggy and scooted out of bed. "I wasn't doing anything! Don't look at me, though! I'm naked!" he said.

"Mr. Dauterive, just what were you doing with Aunt Peggy in bed?" Luanne wondered.

"N-nothing," Bill stuttered.

"Oh, Bill, be a man. Bill and I were making out," Peggy said.

Luanne gave Bill a nasty look. "Is that true, Mr. Dauterive?" Bill blushed and timidly nodded. Luanne didn't look so disgusted anymore. "Aunt Peggy, Mr. Dauterive, could you make room for one more? I came over because I was scared of the storm."

"Well, I don't know…" Peggy started.

"Sure, Luanne! The more the merrier!" Bill said. Peggy scooted over a little bit, and then Bill got back in bed and moved closer to Peggy. Then, Luanne got undressed and joined them in bed. "This is fun," Bill said, looking at Peggy and Luanne.

Suddenly, there was a bang of lightning. "Mr. Dauterive, could you hold me? I'm scared," Luanne said.

"Aw, sure honey," Bill said. He scooted closer to Luanne and gave her a big, tight hug.

TIME LAPSE 2 hours later

The thunderstorm was still going strong. More and more citizens were awakening by the horrifying thunder.

Bobby woke up after hearing a clap of thunder that seemed only a few miles away. "AAH!" he yelled. He sprang out of his bed in fright and ran out to the hall where Hank and Peggy's bedroom was. "Mom! I'm scared of the thunder!" he yelled. But he looked very surprised when he noticed that his mother was not the only one in bed.

In bed with her were Mr. Dauterive and even Luanne! Bobby was too young to understand what they were doing, so the only thing he said was, "Mr. Dauterive, were you and Luanne scared of the storm, too?"

"I was," Luanne said. "Until Bill made me relax."

"Make room for another? I'm so scared of the thunder," Bobby said.

"No, Bobby," Peggy said. "We're jam packed in here and we've all got… grown up things to do. Go to the living room to see if your father will let you sleep there."

"There's more people here to make me feel better," Bobby said, climbing into bed next to Peggy.

"Oh, what's the use?" Peggy said.

TIME LAPSE The next morning, 9:00 am

Hank woke up in the living room. He stood up from the sofa and looked in the kitchen. Normally, Peggy was in there either washing dishes or something else. She was not in the kitchen. "Peggy? Peggy? Where are you?" Hank called. He did not hear anything. "Maybe she's still in bed," Hank said. He walked down the hall and opened the door. He jumped back and screamed.

Luanne, Bill, Peggy, and Bobby were all sleeping in bed together! To make matters worse, they were all tightly clinging to one another. "JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" demanded Hank. The gang woke up and looked nervously at Hank. They all scooted far apart from each other. Hank turned to Bill. He had forgotten that Bill had come over the night before. "AND BILL, JUST WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING TO MY WIFE, LUANNE, AND POSSIBLY EVEN BOBBY? I'M KICKING YOUR FAT ASS!"

Bill jumped out of bed and ran out of the house with no clothes at all. Hank followed him out the door and over to his house. "Bill, you don't EVER mess with my Peggy again!" shouted Hank.

Meanwhile, Dale, Nancy, and Boomhauer were hanging out at the fence. They watched as Hank chased naked Bill over to his house. "That's the spirit, Hank!" shouted Dale. "Finish him!"

Boomhauer chuckled. "This is purdy dang ol' funny, man," he said. "Talkin' bout dang ol' Bill getting chased by Hank, man."

The Hills' next door high-class Laotian neighbors, Kahn and Mihn Souphanousinphone came out to see what the excitement was. At this point, Hank and Bill were running in circles in Bill's front lawn. Bill was still naked, and Hank hadn't even gotten out of his pajamas. "Hey! Redneck neighbor Dauterive! Put some clothes on!" shouted Kahn. A few moments later, the Souphanousinphones' daughter, Connie stepped outside.

"Kahn, Jr., get back in the house! There is a nude redneck being chased by a propane salesman!" Mihn ushered Connie back inside.

Hank and Bill were wrestling in the garage when John Redcorn pulled up in his jeep to Dale, Boomhauer, and Nancy. "Hello, Nancy, Dale, and Boomhauer," he said.

"Hello, John Redcorn," Nancy said.

"Mr. Redcorn," greeted Dale.

"Yo, man," Boomhauer said.

"What is all the excitement over at Bill's house?" John Redcorn asked.

"Dang ol' Bill talkin' bout slept with Peggy, man," Boomhauer said.

"Yeah, and Hank's about to tear Bill from limb to limb," Dale said.

Joseph then was seen running from the Gribbles' house. "Mom, Dad, what's going on?" he asked.

"Mr. Hill is about to beat up Mr. Dauterive, sug," Nancy said.

Finally, Hank managed to grab Bill, and he slapped him hard across the face. "Stay away from my wife!" he shouted. Bill tried to wiggle away, but then Hank pounded him in the back some more. "And that's for sleeping with Luanne and Bobby!"

Everyone gasped. "He slept with Luanne and Bobby, too? Oh, man that's rich!" yelled Dale.

"Quiet, sug," Nancy said.

Everyone began to gather closer in the garage as they watched Hank fiercely pounding the slop out of Bill. "Stay away from my wife!" Hank kept repeating as he slapped and punched Bill. Then, he gave Bill a great big kick in the butt. Bill groaned in pain. Hank walked off back to his house. Everyone crowded around Bill to help him up.

"Dang, Bill, why'd you sleep with dang ol' Peggy, man?" Boomhauer asked.

"And what's up with Luanne and Bobby, too? Are you a child molester, Bill?" asked Dale.

Finally, Bill had to admit it to everyone. "OK, I ADMIT IT!" he shouted.

"AHA!" snapped Dale. "I _knew_ he was a child molester!"

"No, no, I'm not!" Bill yelled. "I LOVE PEGGY!" he shouted. Everyone gasped. "That's right, I do! Ever since that day when I went to the single's bar, I couldn't find anyone, so I just settled for Peggy. I took her out to the Starbucks in hopes of being a date," Bill said.

Hank overheard Bill and came rushing back. "Damn it, Bill, Peggy is _my_ wife! What makes you think you have the right to go out with her and date her, _especially without my permission_!" barked Hank.

"I'm sorry, Hank. I've just been so lonely for the last seven years since Lenore left me," Bill cried.

"That's no excuse to get in bed with my wife!" shouted Hank.

"Actually, Hank," Peggy said from behind the crowd. Everyone turned around to see Peggy, who had gotten out of bed. "I feel sorry for Bill, and you have been no help to me in bed, so I am going to live with Bill at his house until you can shape up," Peggy said. She helped Bill up, and together, they entered his house. Nobody had ever seen Bill smiling so widely in years.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, Peggy!" yelled Bill. He shut the door and locked it and took Peggy inside. Hank felt his face turning bright red. He was not going to let Bill take away his wife. Unfortunately, everyone knew about the incident now, so it was too embarrassing to do anything now. Maybe someday Hank would get revenge on Bill, and perhaps Peggy would be with him again.

To be continued in a sequel…


End file.
